


I fell in love with him at the rhythm of swing music

by itsalexa13



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Peter is Steve and Tony's adopted son, Steve is in love with Bucky, The Civil War went a little bit different, Tony was kinda in love with Steve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-12
Updated: 2017-09-12
Packaged: 2018-12-26 23:15:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12068946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsalexa13/pseuds/itsalexa13
Summary: Peter Parker, left orphan after the Battle of New York, is adopted by Steve and then by Tony. The three of them are the strangest family there can be, but they're happy...until the Civil War comes along, and Steve decides to run away to save his long lost first love, Bucky Barnes. When the war is over, after Tony decided to team up with Steve to save Bucky and prevent Zemo from waking up the other Winter Soldiers, they go back to the Avengers' base, but Peter refuses to talk or even look at Steve, too hurt and upset by Steve's behaviour, which felt too much like betrayal and abandonment. So Steve needs to talk to his son.-"Still not talking to me?"Steve asked with the softest voice, desperately trying to find the connection between them that felt completely lost. Peter snorted, but still he didn't look up."Believe me, it's for the best. You don't want to hear what I have to say" he replied with his most bitter tone, which felt like a dagger to Steve's heart every single time. But he didn't flinch, he didn't show it, and tried to keep his voice sweet and affectionate even if he was hitting a wall."I always want to hear what you have to say. Always had."





	I fell in love with him at the rhythm of swing music

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I wrote this one shot in the sprint of the moment after seeing a gifset on Tumblr, as a way to channel all the feelings.  
> Please note that English is not my first language, so if you notice something wrong or you have some suggestion I will be glad to hear!  
> Enjoy!

The worst thing about a war was that even if you win it, at the end you have to pick up all the pieces and realize that everything is broken and it will never be the same again.  
The cracks you had opened were going to haunt you for the rest of your life. 

And with a few of them Steve could live. He was used to, he had spent all his life adapting to the war breaking his world.  
But, strange as it seemed, it was easier to adjust to the world when you were its victim. But that was not the case anymore. 

The newspapers had called it the "Civil War", and Steve hated it, because it underlined how he fought against Tony, instead of how he fought for Bucky.  
And even if Tony eventually had come to terms with it and had decided to be his ally at the end, there was someone with whom he still needed to patch things up, and that someone was the most important person in Steve's life, alongside with Bucky. 

Steve knew he needed to talk with Peter as soon as he could, and he couldn't wait any longer.

Since they had come back to the Avengers' base the atmosphere was tense, and honestly he couldn't blame anyone except himself; it was his fault and he was ready to take the consequences and most of all to make things right once again for everyone. With Tony, everything had fallen back into place during the war itself, when he had finally discovered what they were doing to Bucky and what Zemo's plan really was, so they were able to team up like they always had and fight together. Sure Steve knew there was so much more talking to do to clear things up between them, he knew his betrayal had been way much deeper than the war itself, that the Sokovia Agreements and the Winter Soldiers situation were just the surface of the heartbreak he had inflicted to Tony, but for now the truce they had come up with was enough for them to reunite the Avengers once again.

Still, everyone was tense, he could feel it; they were tiptoeing around one another and he knew they needed time to fully trust each other again.  
But, while he could manage to deal with the subtle resentment of his colleagues, of his friends, to see the pain he had made Peter suffer was unbearable.  
For Steve, it was heartbreaking; it was the constant, vivid reminder of the fact that for once the world was his victim, and not the other way around, making him feel so painfully like a villain. 

A villain to his own son, who wouldn't even look at him, let alone talk to him.

While the others could handle being around him even after all the tension, Peter was refusing to even stand in the same room as him, and every time Steve saw the look of pure betrayal Peter reserved him before stepping out of the door as fast as he could, his heart shattered.  
He knew too well that of all the people he had hurt while he was trying to save Bucky, Peter was the one who had suffered the most, because not only he was just a kid, but most of all because Peter was, as a matter of fact, his son. 

Maybe he wasn't his biological father, but Steve and Tony had raised him since he was just seven years old. A small, defenseless kid left orphan after and because of the Battle of New York, abandoned in the middle of the discarded city.  
Steve remembered with cruel clarity the moment he had found him, covered in dust with the saddest eyes he had ever seen, completely lost and terrified in a world that had just shattered in front of his eyes. 

In that moment he knew, he just knew he had to save him and take care of him. After all, Steve knew everything about small, scared boys with no one else in the world, he had been one, and at some point, he still was. 

And he also knew very well what it meant to be saved.

To feel totally lost and hopeless, and most of all, to feel completely worthless, until you see someone looking at you with the silent promise in their eyes to never let you go. When someone looks at you that way, they heal your heart and make you see the world in bright colours after it was turned in the saddest shade of grey.  
For Steve, that person had been Bucky. 

And he wanted so bad for that kid to see the world in bright colours once again he had found himself rescuing him with no hesitation.  
And that was it. That was the moment life gave him a son in the most unexpected way. 

And he would never stop thanking God for Peter, even when everything was feeling like falling apart. At first, he had felt so inadequate, so wrong in that role, after all he hadn't be able to adapt himself to that world, how on Earth was he supposed to teach a seven years old kid how to live in it? And not just any seven years old, oh no, Steve had immediately realized Peter was a proper genius, and in so many ways he was teaching him more about the world than he could possibly teach his kid. He was so insecure about so many things, he couldn't rely on the example of his own father, and he never thought in his life to become one, so at the end he was sure about just one thing: he needed, and he wanted to give Peter a family, he wanted to be the one who gave him back all his colours. He just soon had realized he couldn't do that all by himself. 

And that's when he had asked Tony to help him. 

Eight years later, they were the strangest, most unconventional family there was. And Steve had broken it apart. 

So he needed to fix it. He couldn't stand the thought of Peter not talking to him, looking at him like...like he had given up on him.  
When Steve knocked at his door, he wasn't surprised to hear no response from the other side, so he just took a deep breath and gently opened the door.

"Can I come in?"

Peter was sitting at his desk, working with some bakers on his web fiber. Tony had offered him all the help he could get for his suit, but Peter wanted to do most of the work by himself. Steve always smiled at that. 

The kid didn't even look up at him, not even acknowledging his presence, so Steve sighed softly and closed the door behind him, taking a step forward. 

"Still not talking to me?" 

Steve asked with the softest voice, desperately trying to find the connection between them that felt completely lost. Peter snorted, but still he didn't look up.

"Believe me, it's for the best. You don't want to hear what I have to say" he replied with his most bitter tone, which felt like a dagger to Steve's heart every single time. But he didn't flinch, he didn't show it, and tried to keep his voice sweet and affectionate even if he was hitting a wall.

"I always want to hear what you have to say. Always had." 

Peter let go of all the bakers and inhaled sharply, clearly frustrated and upset, but Steve would had taken all the punches and the screams Peter could give instead of his silence.  
When the kid still didn't say a word, Steve tried to take a step forward and another deep breath. It was such a long time he had felt so scared and powerless.

"Look, Peter...I know that I have hurt you, and believe me, I will never be able to forgive myself for this. I promised and swore a long time ago to protect you from the pain of this world and I ended up be the one hurting you and I...I can't believe I made you think I've given up on you, because I would die before giving up on you."

Steve voice cracked a little, perfectly matching his heart.

"And I know you hate me right now, but I hope that one day you will be able to forgive me and understand why I did all of that."

Hearing those words made Peter snap, turning violently to face Steve after bumping a fist on the desk, releasing his bottomed up rage.

"No I don't, I don't understand and I never will! How, how could you have done something like that?!" he screamed abruptly.

"You abandoned us, Steve! You abandoned me! One day you were here, the next day you had run away without the slightest hesitation, you hadn't even looked back for one second, hadn't thought about me for one second! You just...walked away from us, fighting against Tony like he was nothing! What would have happened if Tony got really hurt? What if I got hurt?"  
Peter was on the verge of tears that tasted like anger and pain, and just when Steve thought he couldn't feel any worse, he did. 

"I would have never hurt you or Tony, you know that..."

"No I don't, and neither do you! Anything could have happened, but you didn't seem to care! I thought we were a family, I thought we would have fought for each other, but you just...left me."

"No." Steve voice was still soft but firm, because he wanted nothing more than for Peter to stop saying and thinking all of that, because it was the further thing from the truth and he couldn't bear the thought of Peter believing he could have just left him behind.

"Peter, no, I would have never, ever left you, and even if you're hurt right now you know, deep inside you, that I could never leave you. And I wasn't going to, no matter how all of this would have ended, I was coming back for you." 

Steve spoke with the most genuine and sincere voice was he was capable of, because these were his most genuine and sincere feelings, but Peter snapped back.

"Really? And what if the fight with Tony didn't end? What if he kept fighting? What if you were still a fugitive who needed to run and hide from everyone, how would you..."

"Peter." Steve interrupted him, taking a step towards the kid and looking at him in the eyes to show him that he believed every word he was about to say. 

"Don't ever doubt I would tear the world apart just for you to be safe."

"I doubt it because you made me doubt it!" Peter shouted back, his eyes shining with a hint of tears, but at the same time showing a slight shadow of firm stinging.

"Sure, now I know you would tear the world apart for Bucky Barnes. I hope it was worth it."

Peter’s words were so drenched with pain and most of all disappointment that Steve physically felt his heart start to bleed. He couldn't believe he was the reason Peter was feeling that way, he couldn't believe he actually made him feel unwanted, Peter was the child he promised to never leave alone, and now he was feeling not loved because of him.  
But, at the same time, Steve was not able to regret what he had done, not really. He...he needed to save Bucky. 

"Peter...I can't explain with words how sorry I am, and I know that I have no right to be justified in any way...but I...the truth is Peter, that I have never wanted to hurt you, that I was not leaving you behind even if you felt like I was, but I can't...I can't regret what I have done. I can regret how I've done it, and how that made you feel, but I can't say to you I wouldn't do that again." 

Steve decided to be honest and transparent as mush he could be, and Peter seemed to look at him with almost shock. 

"What does that even mean? You would leave me again?!"

"No, no I wouldn't. But I would save Bucky again."

Steve could see the look in Peter's eyes switch from harsh to puzzled, and even if he knew he was not understanding completely what he was feeling, he hoped he was at least ready to listen to him. Steve sighed softly and lowered his head with a hint of guilt, before sitting on the bed and gazing to the wall like he was looking right through his memories. 

"You will understand when you will fall in love for the first time." he softly whispered, as if he was talking to himself. After all, he wanted to be the most sincere possible with Peter. He deserved that.

"You know, I fell in love with him when I was about your age."

Steve felt a shiver over his spine, emotion running through him like an electric shock because he had never talked about this with anyone in his whole life, not even with Bucky, but in that moment he felt like he couldn't keep it all bottled up any longer, as if he was about to explode all of a sudden. The realization he had never talked about it because he couldn't struck him hard, but now everything was different and Bucky was back and suddenly he couldn't understand how he had it kept all inside him for almost a century. 

Everything had happened so fast since he had found Bucky he was completely overwhelmed and didn't even have the time to cope with it, but in the moment he felt everything sinking in.

"Of course, back in my time...it was so difficult. Not only you couldn't say that you were in love with another boy, you couldn't even...think of it."

Until Steve hadn't woken up in a world so different and accepting, he couldn't even realize how heartbreaking it had been for him living all those years with the cruel awareness no one would have never accepted his love. 

He had spent all his life feeling...wrong, and now he didn't still quite know how to deal with the fact that he wasn't wrong at all.  
It was love. 

"I couldn't even accept it myself..."

Steve let out a small nervous laughter, and all of a sudden he felt like a scared sixteen years old once again. 

"I can clearly remember the exact moment I admitted to myself I was in love with Bucky. Before my very first mission as Captain America, I visited the soldiers who were allocated in Anzio, Italy. I didn't know his regiment was among them, but when I found out I heard that most of them had been captured or killed during a fight, so I...I rushed to ask if his name was among the casualties..."

Steve stopped for a second, looking at his feet. Just the memory of that moment was overwhelming for him, and he didn't blame himself for trying to keep down all of it. But now it was alright. Bucky was alright. 

That story, his story...didn't have a bad ending anymore. 

"And when they told me it was I...I just thought to myself: 'I have to save him. I can't lose the man that I love'." 

In the moment Steve looked up to meet Peter's eyes to find in them a curious softness, even he was still keeping his distance from him. 

"And that's how I became Captain America. Not for the army, the nation, the patriotism, oh no. Before the ideals, before freedom, before peace...there was Bucky."

The tension between them seemed gone while Peter looked at him with wide eyes as if he was starting to see and understand this part of Steve he never had known before.  
"Because he was...everything to me. He always had been there for me. I had no parents, no friends, no money, no health but...but I had Bucky."

Steve couldn't help but smile at that thought, feeling his heart skipping a beat because of all the emotions he was channeling, and Peter seemed to give up all the harshness and the tension he had, relaxing his body and taking a step forward to sit next to Steve and listen closely to the story, just like when he was a little boy and crawled into Steve's bed for his night time story. 

"You know, when I found you...I actually thought of Bucky for a moment. When you looked at me, all lost and alone, I immediately thought it was the same look I had given Bucky so many times and...he had saved me. He had given me a world when I had lost mine, and I wanted so bad to do the same for you. The truth is that every small, lonely boy deserves a Bucky Barnes, and..."

Steve was speaking fluently until that very point, when his voice literally cracked, making him immediately looking down to try to contain his emotions just a little. 

Saying those words made him suddenly realize that he had never allowed himself to cry over Bucky. In some strange, outdated way he had always thought it wouldn't have been respectful of him; soldiers mourn soldiers by keep fighting, not crying. That was the mourning reserved after a war, but Steve hadn't had that luxury. He had fallen asleep during a war and woke up in another one, scariest and more subtle. So he had never allowed himself to feel vulnerable about it, to take some time and cry his feelings out. But he knew he could do that with Peter.  
He wanted Peter to know it was a sign of strength to embrace and be in touch with one's vulnerability, to recognize his feelings and be honest and genuine about them. Nothing good ever comes from ignoring, denying or bottling up one's feelings. Steve knew too well. After seventy years, that was so far the first time ever he allowed himself to cry for Bucky, even if now there was no need of doing that, because he finally got him back. Or perhaps that was the very reason he couldn't contain himself any longer.

"I couldn't save him, Peter." he said in a whisper.

"Bucky spent all his life saving me in every way a man can be saved, he never failed, not even once, he was always there to catch me...and the one time...the one time he needed me to catch him, I let him fall, he...he slipped." 

Steve's voice was heavy and shaking, and he stopped for a few seconds to just let his tears go free.

"And since I woke up, I spent every waking moment fighting with guilt, with regret...with heartbreak."

In that moment Steve felt Peter's hand move to his back, caressing him softly, and he immediately looked up, eyes wet with tears searching for Peter's gaze, which was sincerely sad.

"You never told me that. Any of that."

Peter spoke for the first time since Steve started talking about his history with Bucky, his tone revealing he was feeling genuinely sorry, and Steve quirked his lips in a small smile which had a note of bitterness.

"I never told anyone. None of that. I never told anyone I'm in love with Bucky. Not even him."

"What?! He doesn't know?!" Peter almost yelled, shocked and a little bit outraged, the atmosphere in the room completely different since the moment Steve walked in. It was like Peter didn't even remember how they got talking about that, he was completely absorbed in the story and in discovering a totally new side of the man who always had considered his dad, feeling like he was starting to know the real him just in that moment, after a lifetime spent together as a family. 

"Oh no, no, he knows. Always had. We couldn't say anything out loud, not even when we were alone, but we knew." Steve replied, a small chuckle leaving his lips. 

"When we were about your age, Bucky offered to teach me how to dance. Back in our times, it was essential to meet a nice girl, you know? It's not like now with all the facebooks and stuff, we had to go out there and dance our way through their hearts. And I was...awful. My god, so insecure and trembling, I was a mess." 

Steve laughed a little bit harder, his voice a little bit lighter. He was still feeling the pain of his memories pushing on his chest, but he was also able to find some joy on the way.  
Peter lightly laughed back, amused as he had always been to the stories of Steve's time.

"So I needed to learn, and we used to dance in his living room." he went on, the smile on his face becoming more loving. 

"I remember he always held me tight in his arms, preventing me to fall, and told me to look at him in the eyes, because that was the way to conquer the heart of a nice lady. But we both knew we weren't going to look at someone else the way we looked at each other. I fell in love with him at the rhythm of swing music, staring into his eyes and holding him as tight as I could."

Now that Bucky was back, safe and most of all with him, Steve was able to look back at those memories with pure joy, because it was how he always had felt while dancing with Bucky.  
The world outside could have burnt and they wouldn't even have noticed. In those moments they shut everything out, there was no fear, no pain, no harsh reality...just the two of them. Two stupid boys who had fell in love for each other at the worst time possible.

"It was so natural to go from 'I'll teach you how to dance' to 'I'll teach you how to kiss', and still we pretended it was just a game, but...it never was and we knew that perfectly. But at the same time, there was no point in talking about it. We had no choice, so it would have been too painful, and worst of all, it would have made it too real. And when it's real, you start to look for hope. But there was no hope for us." 

Steve’s tone got back a shadow of sadness, even if he knew that all of that was finally behind his back, once and for all, because the memories felt still too close, like it was just yesterday he had to give up the love of his life.

"For me it would have been a miracle to survive 'til my thirties, and Bucky...Bucky was going to marry a nice girl, start a family with her, and eventually forget about me."

"That wasn't fair!" Peter immediately answered with such naive innocence that made Steve's heart ache just a little. 

"I know. But there was nothing to do for us. We were the right love, just not in the right world."

"Now you are in the right world."

Those words made Steve smile brightly and nod, looking at the boy next to him with sweet eyes. 

"Peter, I'm sorry I've caused you pain in any way. I'm sorry that I let you feel not loved enough, I'm sorry that I disappointed you. But I'm not sorry for what I did, I can't. I'm sorry because we could have handled it better, especially me and Tony, but we were both not thinking straight and we acted on instinct, rage and fear. But I'm not sorry I've done everything in my power to save Bucky, and not only because he was framed and he was innocent, but because...I owe him, and more than everything because...I love him, Peter. I love him and now we...we actually have a chance. We finally have...hope."

"You should go tell him" Peter interrupted him with no hesitation, his voice firm but softer, and the hint of a smile on his lips.

"You should go tell him because now you can."

Steve felt another shiver and almost started crying again, but this time tears of joy. He hadn’t had a second to sit down and realize that yes, now he could tell Bucky that he loved him. He could tell him everywhere, he could scream it at the top of his lungs in the middle of a crowd or whisper it softly into his ear when they were alone in bed. He could tell him that he loved him in any way he could imagine, and he still hadn't done that. But he knew why.

"I will, but first I needed to talk to you. I don't want you to believe, not even for a second, that I love Bucky more than I love you, because you may not be my blood, but you are my son Peter."

The kid looked down for a second before hugging him tight, hiding his face in the crook of Steve's shoulder and grasping his shirt, holding onto him as much as he could. Steve wasted no time in hugging him back and he tightened Peter in a warm embrace, keeping him in his arms as he never intended to let go. 

In that moment Peter felt small and defenseless as much as he had felt when Steve had picked him up for the very first time.

"I know, dad."


End file.
